“You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.” -Pearl S. Buck

Going over the same scenario in your mind, visualizing all of the ways it could go wrong. Struggling to take deep breaths as you feel your heart rate speeding up. That urge to escape when you’re in the middle of a crowd, telling you that you need to get out, now.

Anxiety can manifest in countless ways, and millions of people today experience these symptoms on a regular basis. Generalized anxiety is very common: just over 18% of American adults are affected by an anxiety disorder, and it’s the number one mental health issue in North America.

Persistent, anxious thoughts and feelings can be related to everything from your unique brain chemistry to stressful events occurring in your life.

Strengths vs. Weaknesses

For some of us, it can feel like anxiety is just part of our personality. My tendencies to overthink things, analyze situations to death, do extensive research before making a decision, and my introverted nature all serve me in some ways, but these traits also predispose me to anxiety.

The writer Umair Haque theorizes that, in most cases, our weaknesses are simply the flip sides of our strengths, and I’m inclined to agree with him.

Joshua Rawson Harris via Unsplash

My instinct to carefully plan my next step has helped me build a healthy savings account and avoid unnecessary emergencies. My worries about getting stuck in traffic or oversleeping means that my alarm always goes off early and I’m out the door with time to spare, and my fear of getting lost in an unfamiliar area means that I’ve always got maps and directions on hand. My need to spend time alone gives me the space I need to work on creative projects without distractions.

My to-do lists, planners, routines, and healthy doses of “me time” usually benefit me. But when these positive qualities and behaviors are “turned up too loud,” it results in anxiety—anxiety about being around strangers, setting out without a detailed plan, and trying something new.

Don’t Believe the Hype

I have promised myself not to skip out on activities I love or want to try because of anxiety. I still make an effort to push myself out of my comfort zone: traveling solo to Berlin two summers ago and going to a concert by myself this past spring were two of my biggest leaps. But I didn’t leave my anxiety behind at the edge—when I jumped, it came with me.

Oftentimes, narratives about dealing with anxiety center around eliminating these feelings completely, or at least alleviating the symptoms that interfere with one’s enjoyment of new and unfamiliar experiences.

Many stories about personal experiences with anxiety end with a triumphant lesson about making lots of new friends, discovering newfound confidence, and ditching shyness for good. My stories do not, and I have learned to accept this.

When I embarked on my solo trip, I was too nervous to speak to other travelers, so I explored on my own, holding my map in shaky hands as I wandered around a city where I didn’t know a soul. When I went to that concert by myself, I stood alone in a sea of fans while everyone else chatted with friends, unable to muster up the courage to strike up a conversation.

These moments were not shining examples of how to overcome anxiety and become a different person—but I’m glad I went ahead anyway.

Olaia Irigoien via Unsplash

Doing It Despite the Fear

I got on that plane on my own, scared and overwhelmed, and found my way around a foreign city. I got in my car and drove to that concert and enjoyed the music, even though part of me wanted to turn around and run home. I don’t look back at these choices with pride because I conquered my anxiety once and for all, but because I still felt the anxiety and followed through with my plans in spite of it.

Sometimes I can enter a situation where I would normally feel anxious and end up feeling comfortable and welcome. And sometimes, I just have to take a deep breath and walk into that room with my nerves going haywire.

If you struggle with anxiety, just know that you are not any less worthy of self-love or compassion when you’re unable to shake those feelings. Sitting with your anxiety and discomfort and “doing it anyway” may not feel like a victory at the time, but there is bravery in taking small steps forward, even if your fears happen to come along with you.

 

Jane Harkness is a freelance writer from New Jersey. Her writing has been published in Thought Catalog, Student Universe, Pink Pangea, and other digital platforms. She writes every day on Medium, and you can check out more of her work on her website.